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Tag Archives: lame
Smile Makers, the manufacturers of cutesy sex toys named after traditionally desirable male stereotypes (‘The Millionaire’, ‘The Fireman’, you get the idea…) have created this microsite which allows you to create a ‘fantasy man’ and put him in a ‘fantasy setting’ and then, um…email him to your friends? The whole exercise feels a little pointless, but I suppose it’s just a bit of promotional fun.I ended up half-heartedly making this, so I suppose it means that I’m subconsciously attracted to Patrick Bateman types, which is kind of soul crushing. Actually…doesn’t this guy remind you of Scott Disick? Oh dear.
I guess, it could be worse, when this is an option…Yep, that’s right, it’s the sweaty anorak-wearing weirdo who’s often in your local Spar. Except he’s now wearing animal print underpants and he’s ready for action on, presumably, an 8-year-old girl’s bed. What the fuck?
‘Great music can put the fun into vacuuming,’ claim Coca-Cola on their Work It Out microsite, ‘Crank up a fast-paced tune and burn some calories while you clean!’ they enthuse.
I really love Coca-Cola, but this site is ridiculously patronising and this is the stupidest fucking workout advice I’ve ever heard. I don’t think I’ve ever listened to a decent ‘fast-paced tune’ and thought to myself, “You know what would make this track even better? The sound of a roaring hoover!”
Sorry, did I say ‘mug’? I meant ‘mum’, obviously!ASDA have rolled out their Christmas advert by Saatchi & Saatchi which, like a lot of Christmas adverts, is kind of sickening. Not just because it shows the oh-so-perfect family Christmas – which most of us know is about as real as Santa Claus – but because it portrays the ubiquitous downtrodden mother character.
Fair enough, it probably is true that in most families, mum is responsible for a lot of the Christmas preparations. But did this advert have to evoke such a pathetic self-sacrificial figure? Everything about it seems to suggest that this woman should run around after her family and get no thanks at all. She even serves her husband Christmas dinner, before making do with the worst seat at the dinner table. Her female friend is the only one to help her clear up, and when she finally sits down to relax with a glass of wine, we don’t see her receiving any presents or praise. Oh no. Her feckless husband simply asks her, “What’s for tea, love?”
The advert would be much more entertaining (and realistic) if at this point, she had chucked her wine all over the useless idiot, before screaming, “LEFTOVERS, YOU MORON!”
At least it would stop everyone else from feeling that their own Christmases were a little inadequate. I mean, who the hell is that perfect and patient and drippy? I think that ASDA’s ‘mum’ could do with buying herself a spine in the January sales!
When it comes to interior design, if you’re going to have something written on your wall, it should be succinct. For example, the people who went and got this manifesto inscribed on their wall could have saved a lot of time and money if they had just changed it to, “In this house…we are patronising bellends.”