Tag Archives: lame

Cameron, You’re Doing It Wrong

ImageOh, Dave. That’s not how you show off about your dinner on social media. You’re supposed to take a picture of the actual food – duh!

Your Bag Is Rubbish. And So Is Your Book Club.

ImageYour ‘book club’ only reads wine labels? Really? I mean, seriously? Fuck me, that must be really dull. I’d rather attempt to plough through ‘Bleak House’ by Dickens. Although, given the choice between reading wine labels and ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’, I’d take the wine labels any day.

“Touch Both Sides For Added Enjoyment”

ImageUrgh. Horrible advert for the PS Vita by TBWA France.

I’m not normally that fazed by the petty sexism that permeates the media and advertising. ‘Sex sells’, I get it…whatever. And while obviously women’s rights are still a more contentious issue today than men’s rights, I do appreciate that in the Western world men come under a fair amount of sneering, scrutiny and gawking from women, too.

Still, this advert by TBWA France really got under my skin. It’s not just the sentiment, it’s that it’s a pretty shitty piece of creative work anyway. “Touch both sides for added enjoyment”, it enthuses, underneath a picture of a woman with four huge tits, a tiny waist and no face. NICE! Great way of saying that women and their breasts are just there just to be touched for the enjoyment of others. Maybe Sony’s console is, but was there really any need to draw a parallel between a mutant woman’s body and an inanimate, electronic play thing?
“Ahh,” you might say, “but the thing is, they are trying to appeal to a core demographic here!” And what demographic is that, then? Predominantly teenage boys and young men – exactly the kind of ‘demographic’ who might benefit from being taught that women aren’t just there to be leered at and groped.
More astonishing still, is that the art director on this ad was actually a woman. This feels like a really cynical and patronising attempt to appeal to men. If women are going to perpetuate these types of images in the media and pander to what they – perhaps misguidedly – believe that men want, then how will these sinister messages come to an end? For men to treat women with respect, then surely we need to give them credit for being intelligent as well.

Shame on you, TBWA France. I thought that French men were progressive types who loved romance, and French women were feisty and cool? You Frenchies should know better! You’ve totally ruined Amélie for me, and Simone de Beauvoir must be turning in her grave…

Fantasy Man Generator

Fantasy Man GeneratorSmile Makers, the manufacturers of cutesy sex toys named after traditionally desirable male stereotypes (‘The Millionaire’, ‘The Fireman’, you get the idea…) have created this microsite which allows you to create a ‘fantasy man’ and put him in a ‘fantasy setting’ and then, um…email him to your friends? The whole exercise feels a little pointless, but I suppose it’s just a bit of promotional fun.Bateman FantasyI ended up half-heartedly making this, so I suppose it means that I’m subconsciously attracted to Patrick Bateman types, which is kind of soul crushing. Actually…doesn’t this guy remind you of Scott Disick? Oh dear.
I guess, it could be worse, when this is an option…CreepyYep, that’s right, it’s the sweaty anorak-wearing weirdo who’s often in your local Spar. Except he’s now wearing animal print underpants and he’s ready for action on, presumably, an 8-year-old girl’s bed. What the fuck?

Terrible Advice.

Coca-Cola Work It Out‘Great music can put the fun into vacuuming,’ claim Coca-Cola on their Work It Out microsite, ‘Crank up a fast-paced tune and burn some calories while you clean!’ they enthuse.

I really love Coca-Cola, but this site is ridiculously patronising and this is the stupidest fucking workout advice I’ve ever heard. I don’t think I’ve ever listened to a decent ‘fast-paced tune’ and thought to myself, “You know what would make this track even better? The sound of a roaring hoover!”

Behind Every Great Christmas, There’s a Mug

Sorry, did I say ‘mug’? I meant ‘mum’, obviously!ASDA have rolled out their Christmas advert by Saatchi & Saatchi which, like a lot of Christmas adverts, is kind of sickening. Not just because it shows the oh-so-perfect family Christmas – which most of us know is about as real as Santa Claus – but because it portrays the ubiquitous downtrodden mother character.

Fair enough, it probably is true that in most families, mum is responsible for a lot of the Christmas preparations. But did this advert have to evoke such a pathetic self-sacrificial figure? Everything about it seems to suggest that this woman should run around after her family and get no thanks at all. She even serves her husband Christmas dinner, before making do with the worst seat at the dinner table. Her female friend is the only one to help her clear up, and when she finally sits down to relax with a glass of wine, we don’t see her receiving any presents or praise. Oh no. Her feckless husband simply asks her, “What’s for tea, love?”

The advert would be much more entertaining (and realistic) if at this point, she had chucked her wine all over the useless idiot, before screaming, “LEFTOVERS, YOU MORON!”

At least it would stop everyone else from feeling that their own Christmases were a little inadequate. I mean, who the hell is that perfect and patient and drippy? I think that ASDA’s ‘mum’ could do with buying herself a spine in the January sales!

Sexed Up

According to Mean Girls, “Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it”. I remember a golden age of innocence when, at one time, all the girls who wanted to dress slutty had to either put together their own outfit (the fun option), or choose something boring and obvious and kind of lame from Leg Avenue. But nowadays, you can get all kinds of, um, ‘sexy’ costumes…If you love weiners and weeners, this seductive hotdog costume is definitely for you! Better still, your friends can come along as mustard and ketchup. Mmm, sexy condiments!Looking to score with a younger man? You’ll want to go as a popular children’s cartoon character such as sexy Fozzie or slutface Cookie Monster. If the person you’re trying to impress just happens to be an immature stoner type, you’ll probably want to go as slaggy Brian from Family Guy. Yep, that’s a real thing that someone came up with – dressing a woman up as a sexy male dog cartoon character.If you’re heading to a party where the crowd are maybe a little artsy or pretentious, they’ll appreciate it if you’ve made the effort to go for something a bit more creative. What about going as some kind of promiscuous crayon? On the other hand, you could go as an etch-a-sketch sex object named Sketchy Sally – there’s scope for an excellent ice breaker about “knob twiddling” with that one! Fnar, fnar!Or maybe you could go as a sex rooster or, umm…okay, I honestly have no idea what that pink costume is supposed to be, but at least it looks like Mischa Barton’s getting work again! Go Mischa!